Bloodstream
by Inanis Incedeco
Summary: Blood Magic and nightmares find Merrill late at night,


_A cold and dead figure sits beneath me, eyes wide and scared, like a child's._

" _Lethallin." I whisper, but there's nothing I can do for her, not now. The sickness claimed Tamlen, her love, and it will soon take her as well._

" _It's alright." She whispers, but I don't believe her. It's not alright, not for her, and not for me. "I… don't regret… anything. Thank you for being here, before I… I..." She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "Thank you, Merrill."_

" _No." I whisper, eyes watering. She can't die, she just can't. Not after everything we've been through. Not after all that she's survived up until this point. But the Blight is coming for everyone and everything, just like death itself._

" _You have always… been such… such a good friend… to me." She whispers, eyes fluttering shut so I can't see how grey and foggy they are. "Don't blame yourself... for this."_

" _Dareth shiral, Lethallin."_ _My voice breaks on the last word, tears streaming down my face. I put a hand gently on the back of his neck and channel my mana through my fingertips, sending her into a deep sleep where the suffering can't find her. She sighs and slumps over._

 _There are tears on her face, but they aren't hers. They're falling from me as I clutch her close, sobbing. I try to scream out, but there are no words in my voice._

 _I'm so sorry, lethallin. I failed you too._

* * *

I awaken with cold sweat on my brow, panting hard. Mythal, what-

Then it comes back to me in a flood. Memories, dreams, nightmares. Old curses that I thought couldn't get worse, a life that doesn't belong to me anymore. A mirror of death and blood, demons waiting to take my mind. Old friends that would kill me if they saw me again.

Mythal, I'm so sorry. I failed, didn't I? I… I...

A warm hand is on back, a whole and powerful presence that makes itself known and obeyed as it envelops me.

Hawke.

More memories, but these ones wonderful and beautiful. Her smiling as I babble like an idiot on the steeps of Sundermount, actually visiting me in the Alienage, crying in my arms after the Deep Roads, giving me the Arulin'Holm, whispering words of reassurance when I come to her home at night, the feeling of eupohria mixed with anxiety as our lips meet…

"It's alright." She whispers. I've been told that a thousand times before in my life, but for once I believe them. Because it's her, because it's Hawke, the only person in the whole world who's foolish enough to love me, the one strong enough to carry a whole city on her shoulders and still hold love in her heart. She kisses me as we fall back onto the bed, our bed, still curled in in her arms.

"Just a bad dream." She whispers again, her breath warm and soft in my ear. "Just a nightmare, love. I've got you, it's alright."

 _Love. That's what she called me. I'm her love. And she... she is my heart. Ma vhenan._ I nod, sighing with contentment softly, cuddling even closer into her side, soft and warm skin that's fully exposed for me.

She moves again, cupping my cheek and gently turning my head back towards her before stopping my thoughts with a deep and lingering kiss that turns my knees to jelly. I pause for a moment out of shock, then I respond eagerly, curling my fingers in her soft black hair, losing myself in her.

"I love you." She whispers, and my breath stills. Hawke _loves_ me. _Hawke_ love me. Hawke loves _me_. My heart stills at hearing those words. I wished and hoped to hear them for so many years, and my spirit dances in joy every time she utters them.

 _She loves me._

 _And the guilt isn't there anymore. I didn't fail her, did I? The hurt lingers, maybe it always will, but the guilt is gone. Which is what Mahariel would have wanted, isn't it? She wouldn't have wanted me to waste my life mourning over hers._

I try to speak, to tell her how wonderful she is, how I feel exactly, but my voice betrays me. She loves me. Despite everything, and against all odds, she loves me. No demon or mirror can change that. Can destroy our love, to make me cast away the woman who flows in me like blood.

I gaze at Hawke for a few moments more, smiling as my heart pounds in love and wonder at her, at the beauty of her profile, at everything wonderful about her. Her laughter, her smiles, her kisses...

And after all of the hard work that she's done to get where she is. Our love will surely turn the rest of Hightown against her, maybe it already has. But she knows that better than me, doesn't she? But we can care nothing for them, not here, not now. She needs me, and I need her. No one else can change how we feel about each other. Not so long as we have each other. Not so long as I can come home to hear the love in her voice, see the expression in her eyes, when she looks at me in that way no one else does.

Ma Vhenan. I can't believe I can call her that, that I've found someone I could say that to. Those two tiny words, filled with so much meaning. That I love her with all of my heart, that I see her in my future, that she's left such an inprint on my heart that I can't possibly imagine my life without her. And that, yes, I am attracted to her and her body, in such a loving and sensuous way. But that… what we do… it's nothing like what Isabela does, not even close. It means something, when I'm with her.

A moment later, two fingers find their way beneath my chin to lift my head, leaning down to kiss me fiercely, passionately and yet, somehow with tenderness and love as at the same time. I've no idea how she manages to do all of that at once, but I simply surrender, accepting her kiss and returning it with all my heart, all my love. All the hope I have in my heart.

Soon I fall asleep again, holding her hand, a full heart filled with love and joy. The blood of my blood, my kindred spirit and… my soulmate.

Ma Vhenan.

And this time, there are only memories of her.


End file.
